Out of the Basement

There was this moment…  David S Callahan (c) 2017 There was that moment just one moment ago, that I thought I was okay. Then I opened up that picture and I saw that incredible smile. That's when it hit me that I would not ever see it again. At least not in the same way… in a tangible way that let me reach out and touch you and say I love you. It was in that moment that I knew that I was not okay; I am just learning to be okay. It is not the same. It is a new and different kind of okay. I can't just mend or heal or work through this one. Time won't heal this wound. Time is the enemy. The longer I live, the longer we are apart. Not that I don't want to live, but living without you here is not a deal I was willing to strike. I guess we never think it through when we are negotiating this life. But we live it with its most painful consequence… loss… Don't get me wrong, I am moving on just like you would have wanted. But I can't tell you it's as easy

One week ago today I would go to the long term care facility and see my dad for the last time. I am sure that such a statement would seem to some a milestone laden with heavy grief, sorrow, and a modicum of melodrama. In some ways it may have been, but in other ways, not at all. One week ago today I said goodbye to my dad, but only physically. I believe with all my heart that he and I said goodbye a few days before that when I had to leave Mississippi and head back to Georgia. I told him, "I love you... you know, you have been a pretty good dad and I thank you for loving me!" He just replied, " I tried to be, and I love you more than you will ever know!"  Those were the last words we spoke other than goodbye when I was leaving, but the real message was summed up in a 51 year old son hoping that the 73 year old father knew he appreciated the life he gave him... and conversely, the older telling the younger that he hoped it was enough... I really did and It tr

I had lunch today at a place I haven't eaten at for over forty years (yes I am that old!) I first went there with my dad at about five years of age and I still think it was to my memory the best burger I have ever eaten in my life. Memories swept over me like a cool breeze in an early fall as I soaked in every nuance and fiber of that piece of my life. It is amazing how the littlest things set your mind to churning... I always knew it as Bill's Cafe in Cabbagetown. Now its known as Little's Grocery Grill. I dont get that way much these days. I will say, it is a lot different than when I lived there. Its ironic how old and delapidated becomes historic and trendy. We were just surviving...  now they're all thriving! Years back when I told my mom what the property was going for there, she just shook her head and laughed! They always say the difference between crazy and eccentric is the size of the bank account! But today, I just soaked in the old... the nostalgic...

I am finally sitting down in my office at home tonight pondering everything but the solar eclipse. My dad is now in the long term rehab facility in what  can only be considered a  dire circumstance. But only God knows the outcome. We are splitting up time between us all racing down interstates and highways on the weekends while chasing doctors and caregivers to tend to his need. Everything in me tells me that this doesn't end well. But, only God knows the outcome. We have all once again made the commitment to put our lives on hold and do the right thing for another parent  (actually the third and fourth for Angie and I) who need us but is in such a state that they don't know we are on the task. I see us all aging daily and wonder how we will be when this is all done. But, only God knows the outcome. At times I feel that  I am downcast and forlorn; to some degree that is a reality I fight. The struggle is real. I question my own ability to once again hold all this together

Miracles I was reading this morning about miracles... I believe they happen. I believe also that they don't happen to everybody in every case. I feel certain that they are purposeful and demonstrative and that we should discern as we marvel. While I am not so sure that we should pray for them as much as we should pray that God's will be done; sometimes they may not be the same thing. Only God  knows. Ours is to trust and obey.  In our lives, such as now, when we would love to see a miracle, it is probably wiser to lean on a strength that is bigger than the miracle itself. If we fall hold to  him rather than to the hope of something extraordinary, we are more safely buoyed from circumstance. Whether miracles happen in our lives or not, we still need the miracle worker, even if he is not effecting those miracles in our present situation.

It is again that day. It feels like forever, then in other ways, it seems like only yesterday. I was racing to the airport from the Merchandise Mart in Chicago to catch a plane back home. I had just  left Angie and was headed back home earlier than she since my business was done. Phone on airplane mode... simple flight back to my world. By the time I had landed with phone turned back on... my world was drastically changed. I had dozens of texts... a dozen voice mails. It would seem normal after being out of town on business for a few days to have lots of messages to reply to, but they were not work numbers. It was family, friends, church members.  I listened to Angie's first and it simply said "call me when you land." It chilled me. I still am cold when I think of it. She started with... "we lost Mason." It just got worse. In the time it took me to fly from Chicago to Atlanta, I had lost my nephew. I rushed to my brother and sister in laws side. The

For the first time in a while I stopped early in the morning with just a cup of coffee in my favorite sitting place, my dog by my side and just didn't... Didn't ponder work. Didn't work on a to do list. Didn't even turn on the morning news. I just didn't! No dids for me... not yet anyway.  They will come... I have a list... but not right now. Right now I am just gonna don't and enjoy it for just a little longer.  Then I will do again. Try it some time. Good morning fellow don't-ers!

She sneaked up on me this morning. Last night I was just going about the business of planning my weekend chores. But, somewhere in the quiet of my sleep, she crept in. When I awoke this morning, I found myself humming the first verse and chorus I had written some ten years ago. I don't often go back to it, hardly ever anymore. It was never one of my favorite songs. The ones that exact the highest price rarely are the chosen songs. They are too hard to write. But there it was; in my head and on my tongue. First I sat down with my guitar and opened up the notebook... but something felt uncomfortable. I tried several keys, trying to recall that pitch that harmonizes with the brain, helping me remember tenor and tone. But it still wasn't quite there. then it hit me. It was a piano song! My hands were telling me I was wrong, but my head wasn't listening. I spun around in my chair, looked at my keyboard, and took that long walk across the room to that place where memory

At some point we are going to have to return to civility and a higher sense of decorum in regards to our national politic! Children are now... and should always be off limits... "satire" included! These pseudo intellectuals with their witty retorts and insightful smugness need to be draw some generally accepted boundaries. That should be for both sides... those who make such stupid and malicious remarks and those who would exploit the comments! Civil disobedience and debate are bedrock to the personality of our republic, but our nation's persona has spiraled so far beyond that! Civics, back when it was taught, educated every young American about the greatness of America but also about the sober realities of a nation built on a system of checks and balances that serve and protect We The People. Unfortnately, living in this new and hostile  vacuum where those are no longer taught, we have devolved to an environment where rancor, derision and division turned up to the hig

15 Things I've Learned To Do  In These 51 Years... Dont take everything so seriously... especially yourself. Dont be in such a hurry... life will find you soon enough. Give it all you've got... whatever it is. Leave nothing undone... finish strong. Believe what you believe enough to stand when no one else will stand with you. Cast your vision and blow your trumpet loud! Love completely... without hesitation. Forgive... period. Tell those who matter that they matter and make sure they know why. Be thankful. Be humble. Give everyone a chance. Leave nothing unsaid... finish telling your story. Love that someone who is your someone and cherish them as long as you have breath! Love the Lord your God with all you heart, soul, strength and mind.